My Son

In Douglas Preston’s novel, The Codex, Philip, one of the novel’s main characters stated, regarding his father, that “that’s what happens when you are a bad father – your sons leave you.” Once I read that statement, I couldn’t help but put the book down and reflect on what I had just read. As a father of one son, my mind focused on my 16 year old son. How does he see his “old man?” How does he rate me as a father? Does he love me? Does he want to be around me? Will he one day leave me?

Not only as a father, but also as a man, I have made many mistakes. As a father, I have a number of regrets about how I raised my son. As I look at him now, I am amazed how great a son he is despite my own shortcomings. He is not a perfect son, mind you, but he is a great son none-the-less and is quickly growing into a fine man. He is someone whom I am very proud of and love dearly.

As I look towards the future, I sometimes fear, almost to a point of paranoia that, one day, he will leave me because of all of my shortcomings. I suppose it is a fear that I have had for a long time. One day, a few years back, I was told that I was becoming a lot like someone else in the family by the way I was towards my son. I could have ignored such a criticism but deep inside me, I somehow knew they were right. Wisdom told me to heed those words and I did. This, I will never regret!

In the past number of years, a day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t told my son that I love him and a day doesn’t go by where I haven’t had some physical contact with him as well. Hugs and words of love help our children become secure in the fact that their father loves them … and I sincerely love him.

I am not a perfect person and certainly not a perfect father but I sincerely hope that, one day as I look back at my life, I will see that my son loved me not for what I am but for who I am and that we will be in each other’s lives for as long as we both should live.