Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hey Sugar Cookie! What's my Fortune?

We had Chinese food the other night from the Bei Jing Chinese Food Take Out just down the road from where we live. We ordered our usual dinner for four consisting of Chow Mein, Fried Rice, Kung Pao Chicken, Moo Goo Gai Pan plus a couple of other items on the menu.

Now we all know that no matter what you order, you will always get those fortune cookies which you crack into at the end of your meal. It’s like…you know… tradition… You never really pay for them but if you didn’t get them, you’d be pretty ticked off because you just need to find out your fortune!

I always get a kick out of seeing if the fortunes I receive are at all accurate. Most of my family doesn’t pay any attention to cracking open the cookies and, since I can’t just throw them away, I get to receive all the good fortunes!

Here are the four fortunes I received after my meal:

1) Flattery will go far tonight - Flattery huh! Well that one sure didn’t work out!

2) Do not mistake temptation for opportunity – Well this one was sure correct.

3) Your creativity will take you to unexpected places – It constantly amazes me how my creativity has taken me to unexpected places. My creative flair in the meal I cooked yesterday unexpectedly took me to Pizza Hut after my creative flair produced some pretty creative comments from my kids right before the food was slid into the trash can!

4) Your present plans are going to succeed – Well, that would be the best news yet since my plan is to make a ton of cold hard cash and to live to one hundred in order to enjoy it.

I once heard of some guy by the name of Joe Wang who worked at a Chinese fortune cookie manufacturing company writing fortunes. He said that the fortunes he wrote had to be approved by the company’s Fortune Approval Committee and that over the years, for various reasons, the Fortune Approval Committee rejected certain fortunes citing them as tasteless. He secretly collected these rejected fortunes and later wrote a book with them in it. Here are a few of the tasteless fortunes:

1) Your mother-in-law will marry into your side of the family
2) From your cell, you will be able to see the exercise yard
3) The lawyer will get everything you own
4) The fire will start downstairs

Well… those, though very hilarious, is about as tasteless as the fortune cookie itself! So the next time you crack open that fortune cookie, hopefully it will tell you that “you will soon gain something you have always wanted” instead of “losing your mind will make the phantom limb syndrome go away!”

Have a great day y’all!

19 comments:

Mother of Invention said...

These are a hoot!

I love Chinese food but my husband is the proberbial "hungry an hour later" so we seldom eat it. Living in a typical small Ont. town, we have a few original main drag Chinese Restaurants with the sweet hardworking families running it!

Portia said...

You crack me up! Your creative flair leading you to Pizza Hut:) And the reject fortunes are great. I like it when they are more of a fortune and less advice...seems a little more exciting.

Hammer said...

I like those rejected fortunes. I think they would be a hit.

Greeneyes said...

Hi Sweaty !!!! HAHAHA loved the last post , you are really funny!
and this one as well , I too love the fortune cookies , cannot resist, I have had cookies with two fortunes in them and ones with blanks , so I guess it's the ying and yang ,It all balances out ,LOL
Hope your well .

Greeneyes

Wanda said...

You are funny...I love your sense of Humor!

Gypsy said...

I loved No 3 too. I'm glad to hear somebody besides me has disasters in the cooking department. Very cute post and I hope you get your cold hard cash and live to be 100 to enjoy it :)

BBC said...

Your present plans are going to succeed

Ha, ha, ha... *snorts*

Anonymous said...

I love Chinese food also. I also love those cookies.
The Chinese food places around me are not that great. But I have found some good Thai places lately.

Have an awesome day.
Carol

Akelamalu said...

I like the ones that didn't make it! :)

alicesg said...

Hahaha....that is very funny.

Ancu said...

I just wanted to say thank you very much

Martha said...

"From your cell, you will be able to see the exercise yard"

I needed a laugh today and you provided that. Thanks!

We have family friend in Ontario (near Fort Erie) whose family owned a Chinese restaurant. She is a wonderful woman and always takes us out for Chinese when we visit.

Andrea said...

Love your sense of humor. Good post.

abbagirl74 said...

:) I love any Asian food! Especially Korean!

Jazz said...

I got one once which said:

You like Chinese food.

I swear to God.

That one totally floored me.

Sandy said...

love this!!

sandy

citizen of the world said...

I once got a fortune that said, "Your daughter Butch has a great career in professional football." Don't know how that one made it past the approval committee!

alexander said...

It is always interesting to read the note that comes with the fortune cookie.

Alexander
Alex's World! - http://www.kakinan.com/alex

geewits said...

I have one taped to my computer monitor that reads, "You'll accomplish more later if you have a little fun this weekend." I taped it there for my Husband!