Sunday, January 07, 2007

Bloopers, Misprints, Weirdness

Okay… Now… Here it goes! I am really apprehensive about finishing this blog since I think I have created too much hype about it. I decided to share this article with you because it constantly amazes me how foolish one can sound (not us, of course!) when they write without thinking. To me, the article was really funny … My family and friends, they think my sense of humour is way out of whack! They suggested to me that I get a real life and a new sense of humour! Hmmmm … I posted this as soon as I woke up for fear of "Blogger's Wrath!" (Isn't that an online disease?) Well here goes nothing!

And so, without further ado…

The title of the article was Bloopers, Misprints, Weirdness.

The author of the article provides the readers with a list of hidden gems in a year’s worth of car owner’s manuals, press releases and news items. Many of these hidden gems are either mistranslations and sometimes they are just as a result of what the author called “overworked publicists.”

How often do these editors go out of their way to simplify things to us to the point that they insult our intelligence! Below is a number of the misprints and mistranslations… Hopefully they will bring a smile to your face. Enjoy!

You didn't mean me, did you?
The local Canadian Auto Workers union in Oshawa, Canada, home to General Motors, distributes "Buy Domestic" licence plate frames. One is spotted on a Korean built Chevrolet Optra.

Why Tony Soprano (a TV mob boss) will never drive a Hyundai
The Azera's manual advises, "Never let passengers ride in the trunk."

That'll leave a mark
Mercedes warns to "be careful that you do not close the hood on anyone."

Chardonnay? ChardonNo!
Mini's cupholder carries a symbol warning you not to insert a wineglass.

They're those things near the floor, right?
Lexus states, "Do not drive if you are unfamiliar with the location of the brake and accelerator pedals."

Yes, that rolls off the tongue much better
Lincoln introduces its new crossover with a press release that reads, "The new Lincoln MKX (pronounced Mark X)..." When the vehicle finally arrives, the company decides to change it to MKX, with each letter pronounced separately.

Work those muscles!
Hyundai Santa Fe warns, "Do not allow passengers to fold up and down and up the seatbacks and seat cushion while the car is moving."

Leggo my Eggo
Toyota FJ Cruiser comes with a 115 volt outlet, but warns, "To prevent any damage caused by heat, do not use any electrical appliances, such as toasters, in any locations including ... the seats."

Just set the car on fire
Ford warns to "not use the navigation system to locate emergency services."

Stop if you hear squishy sounds
Nissan Murano warns, "Do not fold down the rear seats when occupants are in the rear seat area."

They're much safer at Christmas
AAA Michigan issues a press release titled, "Trick or treaters are at higher risk on Halloween."

Smart key, dumb driver
Nissan warns that its Intelligent Key system won't start the car "if you have an Intelligent Key for another vehicle with you."

Taking all the fun out of driving
Mercedes Benz issues a warning, "Do not pull the (hood) release lever while the vehicle is in motion."

Whole other kind of help
Honda prints an incorrect customer service phone number in 1.2 million U.S. owner's manuals. The number directs callers to a phone sex line.

And you thought Touareg was odd
Volkswagen announces it will name its new SUV the Tiguan, a combination of "tiger" and "iguana." Tiguan is chosen after it wins a survey, defeating Nanuk, Namib, Rockton and Samun. Nationwide, journalists bemoan the loss of "Nanuk of the North" headline possibilities.

Try a firm grip on your coffee cup
Nissan suggests that "the cupholder should not be used while driving, so full attention may be given to vehicle operation."

Sounds like a nice feature
The Dodge Nitro's manual helpfully explains that "the backup lights will come on when your vehicle is in reverse."

But tiedown hooks ARE back there
The Nitro's manual also cautions, "To help protect against personal injury, passengers should not be seated in the rear cargo area."

Pennywise and poundfuelish
Researchers at the University of Illinois say that Americans are using almost 940 million more gallons of gas than they did in 1960 because the average driver is now 24 pounds heavier, which adds to fuel consumption.

Ya can't fix dumb
GM invests $10 million (U.S.) in a new crashtesting facility to improve occupant safety in rollover crashes. Rollovers account for only 2 per cent of all crashes, but 40 per cent of all fatalities on U.S. roads. Problem is, 70 per cent of the people killed in rollovers didn't bother to wear their seatbelts.

Okay!...Okay!!... Show's over! I have set up my "comments" section of my blog to "Approval Before Posting!" for this blog. I am waiting for the onslaught ... Naw just kidding! I can take it... I am thick skinned. If I judge the interest rate on this post by my friend's comment to me over the phone, I would be in trouble. After reading it, all she could say was "nice one Dave... you mean I wasted my time for this?"

Well, I thought it was funny... I just hope that there is at least one of the lines that made you smirk.

Have a great day bloggers!

57 comments:

abbagirl74 said...

Ahem, it was quite funny. However, I'm not much into cars. So a "car person" would have enjoyed the story more, I guess.

Kidding! It was great. I totally get your sense of humor, or lack there of.

Kidding again! Really, it was great. Have a super day!

Janice said...

I really enjoyed this Dave for a couple of reasons. One, it WAS funny and two, it shows how often we are not careful about our choice of words. At the same time I would make the comment that because of the number of idiotic court claims, manufacturers have had to come up with ridiculous wording for ads that tend to make the average person seem quite stupid. Having a friend in the judicial system cleared this up for me when I commented on an ad some years back. People, she said, will sue and sometimes win huge sums in regards to their own stupidity in the use of a consumer product.

The article really was funny though.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Okay, better than I had feared but not as good as I had hoped. You were very good in developing the hype. The article was good but seemed less so because of the hype and expectation. I am just happy there are no eggs around. Keep up with your imaginative story telling.

Becky Wolfe said...

I liked it! I laughed several times which is a great way to start my morning! I suppose my wine glass will have to balance between my knees if I ever own a mini & I'll save stuffing people in my trunk when I own a herse or something! But not being able to use my toaster in the car is really a bummer. Guess I'll just plug in the microwave instead!!

Thanks for the laughs!

Monika said...

Your blog post beats sitting at the hospital bed any time.

Dave said...

Hi abbagirl!... Thanks for your comments. I'm much into cars either. You, as everybody else, are too kind.

Janice...You are so right about that. I have come across some pretty ridiculous instructions but do understand why they print them.

Hi LGS...I think I laughed at your comments over the past couple of days more than I laughed at my blog! Thanks for the humour!

Hi Becky...I once used to drive a hearse... My inlaws used to use it for an everyday car. I swear you could fit 10-15 people in it! Take care.

Monica... ANYTHING beats sitting at a hospital bed!! :-) I hope all is well though. Good to hear from you.

Le Nightowl said...

To be frank, I'm with Squirrel on this one, for the same reasons he mentions :)
I must confess I did frequently smile while reading this though!
Marie

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